Ever since I started working for those holiday apartments in Florida, I have been plagued by recurring nightmares. I've been haunted by the spirits of hotel rooms at night.
There was a time when I drove quite a few things. Fortunately, I do not hurt hotels anymore. But at night I floated away to a hotel room far away in time …
The work of the day is finished, I called home to check the children. It seemed that a screaming match was going on in my absence. It sounded like Pandemonium was winning, but Total Bedlam also made some noise.
"Could you be a little quieter," I said to the telephone.
"YOU are silent," I heard the man growl in the next room.
I have chosen to ignore him. "Come on guys, can not you stop fighting?"
"I will show you what fighting means" I heard through the wall.
"Geeze, I can not even think of this myself", I complained in the phone.
"Hey, I've had enough of you," the man shouted across the wall.
Suddenly I became very scared. I imagined a burly, two-meter-long weightlifter who struck the wall with his fist. I hung up and wondered how thin the walls were.
Nothing happened. No fist. No smashed wall. No sturdy, two-meter two weightlifter.
I decided to go down for a walk with stress relief. When I opened my door, the man emerged from the next room.
Fortunately, he was not a weightlifter.
I was about to ask him why he had yelled at me through the wall trying to punish my children when he called me, "Hey, do you?"
Suddenly I knew how thin the walls were.
I even discovered that hotel walls are in two thicknesses:
If you are lucky, you get "Lower the volume on your TV!" walls. If you are less fortunate, you will get "Lower the brightness of your TV!" walls.
Fortunately, hotel rooms are impeccably clean. It's true. The sign says it. Just as long as you do not look under the mattress to see a 1976 copy of Businessweek Magazine and tickets for a 1982 The Music Man.
I do not know why hotels occur so flawlessly. All that rubbish under the bed could be used as a marketing tool. "Stay with the Hilltop Hilton and join our hunting adventure under the mattress."
If the hotels do not catch on, the motels will sooner or later. They can make everything a sales pitch. Such as, for example, & # 39; Color TV & # 39; (Ooooooohh.). And "Outdoor Pool" (I think the "outdoor" feature is a nice addition, is not it?) And what about "Free parking" (which is actually a way of saying: "You do not have to park your car in your room. ").
What I worry most about is what they keep in the drawers. Have you ever noticed that there is always a Bible in the drawer? Why?
When you buy a car, there is no Bible in the glove compartment, although you have to pray most on the road.
If you dig for the price at the bottom of the Cracker Jack box, it is never a bible.
Even in hospitals, where a prayer is perhaps all you still have, there is no Bible in the drawer.
Bibles are only standard in hotels and on death row.
And why only the Bible? I have had enough free time to look for Torahs and Korans in hotel rooms, and I have never found one. Are Jews and Muslims not staying in hotels? What do they know that I do not know?
Luckily I do not have to stay in hotels anymore. I do not have to end shadow puppet shows from the man on the other side of the wall. I do not have to keep reading over his shoulder. I have no worries about what he has eaten for dinner.
And I do not have to listen to his snoring. I can enjoy my own nights in peace.